Rest & Transitions

There have been a few things swirling in my mind lately that I’ve been wanting to capture and organize. The first is a quote that I came across about a month ago that made me pause:

“It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” - Brene Brown

The second is a series of conversations I’ve had recently with some close friends about our careers, life transitions, and the definition of success. Maybe the changing of the seasons from summer to fall has many people in a contemplative space, but whatever the reason, I’ve gained so much from these interactions and the wisdom shared by these confidants.

The Badge of Busyness:

There have been many moments when I ask someone, “How are you?” only to get a hurried response along the lines of, “I’m good! Things are crazy busy but I’m good!” In the workplace, I receive a slightly amended but still similar, “Super busy and working against some tight deadlines, but better to be busy than bored, eh?!”

And I readily admit, there have been times when I, too, have answered in the same way.

There are many reasons why. Sometimes it’s because I only have two minutes to spare before running off to my next meeting or appointment. Sometimes it’s because I don’t want to launch into a more detailed response. And other times, I just don’t quite know how to really answer that question in a succinct way. But I’ve been hyper conscious lately of our use of “busyness” as something more than just that. It’s almost as though people use it as a badge - proof that they are productive, effective, valuable, and needed.

And so we continue to be busy. We pack our schedules, we over-commit, we over-work, and we take vacations occasionally but still bring our laptops because of that ever-pressing deadline. I’m guilty of it, too. But I’m trying really hard to shed that habit. The pace is certainly not sustainable, so there is a health related component, but it’s deeper than that - I don’t want to just be another corporate lemming. There has to be more to life than that.

In Hindsight:

I’ve recently been having a lot of rich, fruitful discussions with some trusted friends about the life paths that we’re all on. We were the ones who overloaded on academics and extracurriculars in high school. We took the college admissions process very - actually, probably way too - seriously. We went to the most prestigious schools we could, worked as hard as we could to land internships, and then started our professional careers as soon as the graduation caps and gowns were stowed away. And for the past 10-15 years, we’ve been climbing the corporate ladders in our respective industries. We’ve made sacrifices, taken risks, and grown an incredible amount. And I’m very grateful for all I’ve learned and all that came with the journey. I’m deeply proud of all that I’ve accomplished. And yet…

At the 10-15 year mark, we’ve found ourselves getting closer and closer to the professional goals we had initially set for ourselves. Some wanted to become a director or VP at their company and some aimed to build a profitable startup from the ground up, while others set out to become a partner at their firm by a certain age. For such goal-oriented people, there has never been any shortage of milestones. But as we’ve been getting closer to these milestones, we’ve also been learning a lot more about what it actually takes - the sacrifices, the political maneuvering, the time away from friends and family, the missed moments with babies and young children, the strain on marriages and relationships.

Everyone always makes it clear that big rewards require big risks. But when you actually start living it out and tangibly experience the effects of those sacrifices, it becomes more sobering. You volunteer to lead a big project, but what you don’t realize in the beginning is that it’ll include giving up your evenings and weekends for six months. There will be no time or energy for friends or family, and certainly not much for rest. Or you work towards a big promotion, but once you get it, it becomes very clear that the new hours will make it impossible to ever drop off or pick up your child from daycare, or make any school functions whatsoever.

I’ve been watching my peers do this juggle, and I’ve been a part of it myself. It’s exhausting. And after awhile, it wears you down in more ways than one.

Daring to Dream a Different Path:

So then, what next?

I humbly submit that it starts with rest and play and as Brene Brown says, the courage to go after them the way we’ve chased after our professional careers.

I’ve been so inspired by the friends and colleagues who have put their foot down and said a firm “no” to the rat race. They’re carving out a new way of life. It looks very different for each person. But in order to start building something else, they first needed to stop, rest, reflect, and dream.

So that’s what I’m doing. Well, what I’m trying to do. I’ve chosen to say “no” to the relentless corporate climb and politics, and to get off the hamster wheel for awhile. I’ve chosen to rest and not apologize for being a human being who needs it. I’ve chosen to more deeply honor with both word and deed my values and priorities- my family and friends, health, growth, creativity. That has meant carving out more time and energy for these things. But it has also meant this blog.

I’m always so inspired by beauty creators and beauty appreciators. I want to find and showcase them. And in the process, I hope to fuel and nurture the beauty creator and appreciator in me. Who knows, it may even lead to a new path and a new dream - and a new way to define success.